he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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