He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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