My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
