i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
