I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It was confusing and full of hummus
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
