I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
