This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
