Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
