Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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