You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
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