saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Randomize
