so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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