we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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