SEEEEXXX PLEASE
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
