No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Boobs are out for the taking
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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