guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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