then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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