I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
