Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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