How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Vodka?
Forever.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
