i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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