i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
