You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
