Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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