Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
