grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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