Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
