Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
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