Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
