living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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