if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
