SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My ass is underappreciated
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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