Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
