Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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