# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
