the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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