PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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