There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
the liver wants what the liver wants
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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