so that wasnt chicken after all
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
