this beer tastes like vomit already
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
