It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
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