the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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