But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
