I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
