Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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