I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
