Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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