It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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