Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Just puked most of my soul out..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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