I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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