And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I just made out with a guy for $7.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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