the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
