I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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