You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
wakey wakey hands off snakey
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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