Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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